Confessions of a Ménage à Trois

As I was laying in my bed fighting the fact that I was awake, my stepfather came to mind. I begin to think about all the broken promises He made to my family. He used to tell us we were going to Disneyland, Hawaii, and etc. He promised us extravagant gifts, and he never delivered on them. As you get older you start to realize that he’s a liar, and you will never see the things he promises. Completely unbeknownst to me, my stepfather was creating my image of men. His empty words created a mistrust in me towards men. My stepfather’s actions coupled with my biological father’s decision to be missing in action was a perfect concoction for trust issues in future relationships. By age five, all I had come to know about men is  they will lie to you or abandon you. That was my perception based on my experience with them.
I remember my first heartbreak came in the fifth grade. I was dating this guy named Gary. I went away for a special school trip. When I returned it was rumored that he and Tara, a fully developed and sexually advanced fifth grader, were doing some things in the bushes. Those activities led to them being in a relationship and me being dumped without my knowledge. When I confronted Gary, he lied and denied everything. Once we were all at recess their actions told another story. I remember running to the bathroom and weeping alone. I had never felt such humiliation and betrayal from any other male than my fathers. This experience watered those seeds of distrust and abandonment. Distrust mutated into mistrust, and I became suspicious of every man that entered my life.
After Gary, I seemed to attract guys who were either bankrupt of love or felt they had too much loving to give. Many of my short-lived relationships consisted of me trying to convince a guy they were worthy of my love, or convincing myself that cheating was okay because I wasn’t having sex with them. From jr.high to high school, mistrust and abandonment were blossoming into glorious Weeping Willows without my permission.
In college, I changed up my dating strategy. Throughout college my dating relationships were long distance. In retrospect, I believe I did this to avoid another Gary and Tara situation on campus. I found these relationships to be easier on my heart. I didn’t have to overlook stuff, question them, and etc. I was completely committed to them, and those relationships brought about some of my fondest memories of being in a relationship. However, those relationships came to a sad ending due to fear. By the time a man was seriously interested in loving me, my insecurities wouldn’t allow me to receive it. So I ran like Usain Bolt!
My last relationship was the most devastating of them all. It was the one I gave 100% percent of me. It was the one I shared every truth I knew about myself. It was the one I made a conscious effort to ignore the Weeping Willows in my heart. It was the one that I went shopping for a wedding dress. We looked at rings, venues, and honeymoon destinations. It was the one I gave my virginity to because I just knew forever would be how long we would spend together. However, life happens and you end up back alone.

Fast forward to today, I am 32 and single. Well actually I’m not. Mistrust and Abandonment have been my most intimate companions for some time now. They have been constant friends reminding me that men cannot be trusted; one will never truly love you; and when you choose to love them they will abandon you. Their lies have become my truth, and they have painted my perception of men and my relationship with them.

Today, I felt a strong unction to simply forgive my stepfather for every lie and unkept promise. I will no longer allow those things to rent space in my heart and mind. I also release my biological father from the expectations I had for him as a father. His purpose was served by getting me here; and I’ll be forever grateful to him for getting that part right. I release every toxic and dysfunctional relationship that has tainted my perception of real love. I forgive myself for allowing my insecurities to sabotage past relationships, and today I pray that the Weeping Willows, abandonment and mistrust, be cursed at their roots never to live again. I renounce my allegiance to their ideologies, and I choose to believe “Good men who value the integrity of their word do exist.” Last but not least, to those who I hurt by allowing my perception of men to get in the way of what you were trying to show me please forgive me. I truly did not mean you any harm; and I hate that what I did in the name of protecting me harmed you.
Thanks for reading!-Charity Israel

 

 

 

 

Photo Credit: https://goo.gl/images/1Mh2PT

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No Wedding, No Love: Life After Heartbreak

no loveWednesday night, I cried myself to sleep. Out of nowhere, it hit me that my dreams of marriage had been shattered once again. I started replaying the moments of excitement looking at rings, searching for a venue, and trying on dresses. I started to think about how I finally had someone who loved me and wanted me as his wife. This marriage was meant to be the validation I needed to prove that I am desirable. The abrupt departure of my father at age five had left me wondering will I ever be wanted and loved. I had come to see marriage as a form of redeeming that piece of me. However on December 31, 2016 we had the breakup of all breakups, and my dream was shattered. All my hopes for us were robbed and ” hope deferred makes the heart sick…” became my reality.(Proverbs 13:12)

I believe one of the greatest pains of our human experience is a broken heart. Its pain is piercing and relentless. With all the strength you possess you try quickly to move past it, but broken things often heal slowly. You are simply forced to endure its pain. Some try to sedate it with sex, liquor, and drugs, but it refuses to leave. Some try to work it away, but the moment you take a break, it’s there. Some try to reason it away, but heartache supersedes knowledge; and you will never truly understand why your heart hurts so bad.

One of my greatest fears was to be where I am now, and that’s on the back side of a failed engagement. I read stories and met women who had gone through it; but I never wanted to be acquainted with its grief.  Now three months removed from it today, I can testify there is life after it. The first 30 days consisted of bitter tears. I wept because I felt like I had wasted my time. I mourned because I loved him. I sobbed because I made the decision to call the relationship off.  I lamented the death of the relationship because I had never been completely committed to a relationship the way I was with him (mind, body, and soul).  I cried because I no longer saw myself part of his dreams.

I would be lying if I said this experience did not rip the fabric of the way I view love. It was almost successful in making me give up on it. I was almost convinced not to love wholeheartedly ever again, but shutting myself off to loving someone keeps me from fulfilling my purpose. We were created to love. Choosing not to do so makes one defective because you are not fulfilling the Great Manufacturer’s purpose for creating you.

During the first 30 days, all I could remember was the broken promises. I had forgotten about all the joy and life our love had given me. Although the flaws of our humanity brought on the demise of our relationship, the love we shared was pure, healing, and refreshing. I learned so much about me, and I appreciate every lesson his love came to teach me. I assumed it was for forever, but I am grateful I was able to experience it in this lifetime.

I am not sure what the future holds for me, and I am quite alright with its uncertainty. I no longer see marriage as the validation I needed to prove I am worthy of love. I rest in the fact that I was created to love, and at the appointed time that love will be received and reciprocated by the man it was created to serve. I am no longer bitter about the outcome, and I am hopeful that I will love again.-Charity Israel

Photo Credit: http://hammerandgem.com/wedding-rings-101-dos-donts-wedding-ring-ownership/

Happy Valentine’s Day: The Difference a Year Makes…

This time last year I was spending this holiday with the man I thought would be my husband. There was no exchange of gifts just quality time. We made dinner. Actually, I watched him make dinner and prepared myself for it. LOL After dinner, we watched a movie; cleaned the kitchen; turned on some music; and the kitchen became our dance floor for the evening. It was the best Valentine’s Day ever. We had a great time just being with each other.

Today is quite different from last year. I am single again. Instead of preparing myself to enjoy a dinner with the one I love, I am writing this blog and answering emails. It is amazing how the seasons of life change. You can go from ‘Dangerously in Love” to ‘Severely Single’ or vice versa in a wink of an eye. I am not writing this to put a damper on the day of Love. However, I do want to encourage those who may be in my position with a few things that have helped me process through one of the greatest pains I have known, Love Lost:

  1. All love does not last forever, and that is okay. I know you wanted it to last forever, but forever was not the plan. That person came as a precursor to the love you are going to experience. Try not to spend your time regretting the energy you invested.
  2. They loved you at their highest capacity; and once they  maxed out everyone had to move on. It is a horrible reality that hurts deeply; but it is a necessary truth that must be accepted by both parties.
  3. Their love taught you how to perfect your own. You were able to see your reflection and challenged to fix those things that were wrong with your understanding of Love.
  4.  Their love forced you to realize your “roses really smell like boo boo.” You had to face some harsh realities about who you were and the parts of your past  that were sabotaging your relationship.
  5. Their love brought you a joy that you did not know before them. You are now more equipped to recognize what Love looks, feels, and acts like because of them.
  6. Their love reminded you of  your awesomeness. They encouraged the good in you; and they taught you that the things you deemed unworthy of love would be accepted by someone willing to love you.

Today I hope you will not be found soaking in the misery of love lost but excited about the love that is to come. You gave love a chance, and that is something I pray you learn not to regret. You will love again. Being single is not the end of the world. Resist bitterness and be open to the opportunities that Love will bring your way. Happy Valentine’s Day to you. I’m praying for your heart today.

The Wedding that Didn’t Happen

Today is August 5, 2016 and it is has been a year since my beautiful grandmother on my father’s side passing. However, today I mourn for a different reason. Today, if things had gone as planned, I would have burned my Single Woman card forever. Yep, today is the day I would no longer be a Porter. Instead I am single once again and telling my story to complete strangers. For those who have not been following me on Social Media, on Christmas Eve 2015 I reconnected with someone, and from that moment we were inseparable. Considering that fate brought us together again, we were both pretty sure that this meant marriage.

This man took great care of me. He made it his business to make me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. He was kind. He enjoyed a good laugh. He had a career. He was a Christian, and he was fine!!!! Tall, dark, and pleasing in my sight was the man I fell completely in love with! He knew everything about me. He managed to accept those things about me that I wrestled with accepting about myself. I was hooked on that Milk Chocolate man, and he was hooked on me. Then March 3, 2016 came and my little fairytale ended. The united front we once were had become divided. The vision of life we had together started to look better apart from each other.

Things were not bad. He did not cheat and neither did I, but we both felt that it was in the best interest of each other that we go our separate ways. It was the sweetest breakup ever, and I could not be mad because I felt the same way. But after a few days of sitting alone and coping with the fact, us breaking up included there being no wedding, I became furious!!! I read over every text message of him declaring how excited he was about us getting married. I kept having flashbacks of us going shopping for rings, checking out venues, and how gorgeous I looked in the gown I tried on. I was pissed that I spent money on Bridal magazines, fabric samples, and anything pertaining to weddings. I was highly upset that I introduced this man to absolutely everyone important to me. More than anything I was ashamed that I would once again be single at all the family functions and have to dodge conversations about my Relationship status. I was on the brink of marital bliss, and instead I ended up drowning in tears full of disappointment, anger, and shame.

I was highly annoyed with God that he would permit my heart to know this kind of pain, and I kept quiet about it for almost four months until I could speak about it without falling apart. To be honest, this was my greatest fear realized. I never wanted to be the woman who knew what it was like to be with “The One” at a family function and have to do the walk of shame at the next family function. I never wanted to know what it was like to give your all to someone only to hear “let’s go separate ways!” It was one of the greatest blows to my heart even though I agreed it was truly the best decision for both of us. This was the most painful moment in my experience with love, but the beauty that came from living through this nightmare was worth every tear. You’ll have to wait until Monday to hear that side of the story. Have a wonderful weekend beautiful people.-Charity Israel

P.S. I made it through typing this blog without a single tear. It appears my days of mourning have ended!!!

 

 

 

Photo Credit: http://weddings.lovetoknow.com/wiki/African_American_Wedding_Clipart

 

Goodbye Thirty, Hello Freedom!!!

So be strong and courageous all you who put your hope in the Lord!-Psalm 31:24

Six months before I turned 30, I went on the pursuit of finding out what the decade would entail for me. I talked to women who were in their early thirties, late thirties, and well into their sixties. I made it my mission to come up with a plan to prepare myself for this monumental shift from being a “young” adult to just an ADULT! I read books, blogs, and anything that would give me a glimpse into my future; but NOTHING prepared me for what I would describe as the most painfully liberating year of my life.

Thirty was pure hell, darkness, chaos, and confusion. It started with my birthday plans for the year. A friend and I planned to watch a play on Broadway. However, I ended up spending my day alone in Manhattan sipping a glass of Riesling and contemplating the meaning of life. LOL  Eleven days after the worst birthday ever my grandmother on my father side passed away, and six days after her my mother’s mom passed away. Two of the most loveliest souls on the planet left without my permission. Life has not been the same without them.

September was spent trying to cope with the events of August, and trying to convince myself that I was happy when in fact I was hurting. The hardest truth for me to admit was that I was starting to despise the two things that meant so much to me, my job and living in the city of my dreams, New York.  I suppose this discontentment with my life was God’s way of preparing me to do what he requested of me in June, which was to stop being a Flight Attendant and move back to Atlanta. However the 401k, great health insurance, and the steady income made that request hard to comply with until December 2015. Between continuously getting sick and the anxiety attacks I was having, it became quite apparent it was time to let it go and I did.

By March my savings had dwindled, and all I had left was my knight in shining armor that I was planning to marry in August 2016. As fate would have it March 5, we decided it was best to go our separate ways due to the chaos that both of us was experiencing. I cannot express the pain that comes with saying “Goodbye” to the person you were ready to share the rest of your life with. Everything that I was so certain of in 2015 had slipped through my fingers by March 2016. I was jobless, super single AGAIN, and found myself embarking upon the darkest night of my soul to date.

It was during this time of chaos, confusion, and loneliness that something beautiful was being formed. I was stripped of everything that I allowed to define me throughout my years, and I was left at the mercies of God. I had to admit to my idol worship of marriage, success, fame, and prestige. I had to find purpose outside of my possessions or the lack thereof. I had to clean out the skeletons in my closet, and I had to confront the insecurities within me that were sabotaging my future. As I sat in the dark room of my life, I was forced to deal with the truth of my self-image. I had to wrestle on a few occasions with the demons of my past that were doing all they could to keep me in fear. It was here I became content with my own being and confident in the God who created me.

It was in my weakness that I found God’s strength to be perfect. It was in choosing to receive His love that fear had to flee. It was sitting in darkness that I discovered the beauty of His marvelous light of Truth. Thirty was the year that my pride was crucified; my selfishness was exposed; and my greatest fears were realized. It was also the year I learned what it meant to live free, strong, and courageous. I literally have nothing to lose in this life, and it puts me in a place to gain all that God has in store for me. I say goodbye to 30 joyously, and I tell it thank you for introducing me to myself!

Thirty-one will be an amazing year for me because it is the first time, I will actually be living unapologetically as Charity. The freedom that becomes available on the other side of facing your fears and confronting the lies you have lived for so long is indescribable. It expels all the shame, and it leaves you confident in who God has created you to be. I embrace 31 as a completely different person; and I look forward to the lessons it will teach me and the opportunities it will present me as I have decided to let go of fear and live in God’s love for me. Happy Birthday Charity Israel!!! Freedom looks good on you!!!!!!!!

P.S. The book is coming soon. I had to live it before I could write it!!!

The Perfect Mate List Poll

As the thirty first year of my life is quickly approaching, I have found myself doing a lot of introspection. I have been checking my closet making sure all the skeletons are out of it from the previous years. I have been forced to reevaluate some of my relationships, and I have given walking papers to those who truly needed them. I have been confronting all the clutter of my life, and I must admit it has been excruciatingly painful. However, I push through because wholeness is my desire, and I know the liberation that will be experienced after this is over will be well worth it.

One of the tools I have been using to gauge my progress in life is my old journals. I go back to them to see how much I have grown or not. I use them to encourage me through moments of testing and trials as a reminder of how  great God has been to me. Today I was reading one of my old journals, and I came across an entry from June 25, 2008. As I read it, I chuckled because in it contained my Perfect Mate List. I will admit the caliber of man I entertained drastically changed when I created it, but  it has also been what some have accused as the reason behind my singleness.( Side note: #Mr.Godiva and I are no longer together and the #dearfuturehusband post will be returning.) Yet when I read it, I honestly do not believe I am asking for too much. The list is much smaller now, but today I figured I would give each of you a sneak peak into my prayer journal and get your personal opinion:

June 25, 2008-So my ladies and I were talking, and one of them shared about how they made a list concerning what she wanted in a husband. I want to do it, but I’m scared my list might be too much. So here is the deal God, I will make my list and you revise it. You know what I need and that is more important than my wants:

  1.  A man that lives to honor You in word, deed, and heart (a Psalm 119 man).
  2. A man of integrity and vision (a big dreamer).
  3. A man who lives to learn, know, and live the word of God.
  4. A wealthy man.
  5. A man who loves me for me, no exceptions!
  6. A fashion-forward man.
  7. A man that lives and love to worship and pray. He is unashamed to show his love for God.
  8. A man who loves and appreciates his family.
  9. A shrewd business man.
  10. A good steward over his finances.
  11. A man of great faith.
  12. A humble and gentle man towards me and those who need it.
  13. A man who walks, understands, and knows his authority as a son of God.
  14. A man who keeps his word (swears to his own hurt).
  15. A man who is aesthetically pleasing in my sight.
  16. A man that has a wonderful sense of humor and loves to have fun…you will be done Amen.

I’m grateful that you have made it to the end of this list, and now I’m asking for your assistance. If you feel this list was absolutely ridiculous, let me know. If you feel I’m absolutely delusional, let me know. If you feel that this list is not detailed enough, let me know. I look forward to your feedback. Have a Marvelous Monday!!!

 

 

Photo Credit:  https://joyswordsofencouragement.wordpress.com/category/spirit/

 

Life Observation: Five Things Mature Adults Do

I won’t bore you with a long introduction. I’ll just get right to it. Here are five things I have noticed mature adults do:

  1. THEY COMMUNICATE. Adults who have matured pass high school in their brains have learned how to express themselves. They tactfully express their opinions, and they do not waste their time beating around the bush concerning a matter. They are not afraid of conflict, and they do not argue for the sake of being heard. They recognize the weight of their words, so they use discretion in both their tone and word choices. Mature adults do not wait for someone to figure out the problem. They voice it and seek ways to resolve it.
  2. THEY TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR OWN ACTIONS. Mature adults do not play the Blame Game. If the job was not done correctly, they admit where they messed up. If their marriage is failing, they accept their part in its’ failure. If their life is not where they desire it to be, they CHANGE IT. Mature adults introspect instead of project their issues on other people. They weigh the consequences of their actions. Once they recognize they made the wrong mistake, they acknowledge it. Mature adults DO NOT rely on others to fix the problems they have created. They assess the situation, rectify it, and move forward.
  3. THEY ARE COMFORTABLE IN THEIR OWN SKIN. Mature adults have accepted who they are and who they will never be. They have accepted their flaws, and they live free from the weight of being perfect. They are beautifully flawed individuals, and they celebrate what makes them unique. They do NOT waste their time comparing, envying, or desiring what others have. Wholeness of mind, body, and soul is their pursuit. They are so fixed on the idea of becoming a better person that they do not have time to worry about what others do. They are not perfect, and that truth does not bother them. They free themselves to enjoy life, and they encourage others to do the same.
  4. THEY ACCEPT PEOPLE FOR WHO THEY ARE. Mature adults do not waste their time trying to change other people. They recognize that we are all evolving, and when change is desired people will seek it. Instead of trying to force change, mature adults choose to stick around (remain in relationship) or move around (end the relationship). They give people the freedom to be who they have decided to be. This does not mean mature adults do not address self-harming behaviors of friends, but they do give others the liberty to discover and enjoy life for themselves.
  5. THEY DO NOT TRY TO FIX BROKEN PEOPLE. Considering the time and effort mature adults have put into becoming whole, they do not waste their time trying to fix people who are unwilling to admit they are broken.  They recognize the value of their time and they choose to invest it in things that will produce a great return. Mature adults surrender broken people to their Creator, and they love broken people at a distance until they want more for themselves.

This list could and should be much longer, but this will do for now. If you see some you disagree with feel free to voice your thoughts. Different points of view are welcomed and respected. I encourage all of us to spend our time becoming better people. If you find yourself doing the opposite of these five things, I admonish you to reconsider your ways. You deserve to live in the freedom that responsibility offers those who take control of their own actions, decisions, and relationships. Thanks for reading and have a wonderful Wednesday!-Charity Israel

 

 

 

Photo Credit: http://cdn.halloftheblackdragon.com/reel/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/man-and-woman-gaming.jpg

Buyer Beware: Three Women Men Should Avoid for the REST of Their Lives

 

11143692_10100142778528272_2591301325955744050_nToday as I read Proverbs 6,  I started to think about the countless men who have fallen for the women of their lustful desires. Throughout the passage, Solomon is imploring his son to stay away from three types of women: the immoral (Proverbs 6:24), the promiscuous/prostitute (Proverbs 6:24, 26), and the adulteress (Proverbs 6:26). As I read I felt the need to echo the author and here are my reasons why:

  1. 1.   The immoral woman will corrupt you. 1 Corinthians 15:33, says “Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.” Both the stories of Samson and Solomon are proof of this truth. Samson loses his strength, and the ability to defend his people because of a hot romance with a woman named Delilah (Judges 16). Solomon, the wisest man on earth, has the most tragic story of all as it pertains to dealing with immoral women. I won’t give the whole account, but here’s the part that makes my point, 1 King’s 11:1-4, 9-11 says:

 Solomon loved many foreign women. Besides the daughter of the king of Egypt he married Hittite women and women from Moab, Ammon, Edom, and Sidon. He married them even though the Lord had commanded the Israelites not to intermarry with these people, because they would cause the Israelites to give their loyalty to other gods. Solomon married seven hundred princesses and also had three hundred concubines. They made him turn away from God, and by the time he was old they had led him into the worship of foreign gods. He was not faithful to the Lord his God, as his father David had been…9-10 Even though the Lord, the God of Israel, had appeared to Solomon twice and had commanded him not to worship foreign gods, Solomon did not obey the Lord but turned away from him. So the Lord was angry with Solomon 11 and said to him, “Because you have deliberately broken your covenant with me and disobeyed my commands, I promise that I will take the kingdom away from you and give it to one of your officials.

The wisest man on earth died as an apostate and disgraced his Godly heritage in pursuit of loving his women and appeasing their gods. Both Samson and Solomon lost their way because they opted to ignore the advice of Proverbs 6:20-23. By refusing to adhere  to the advice of their parents to stay away from certain women, one lost his strength and the other left God.

2.   The prostitute or the promiscuous woman will provide you pleasure, but she will destroy your pockets (Proverbs 6:26). She will ensure you have a good time, and make you pay more than what you bargained for. The story of Tamar and Judah is a prime example of how a “prostitute” can take all you have and bring you to shame (Genesis 38). Here Tamar disguised herself as a shrine prostitute in order to have a son and ensure she obtained the inheritance that was hers by marrying Judah’s eldest son. Judah slept with her assuming a goat will be all that was required, and by the end of the story his reputation was the real wage he paid. Loving prostitutes will leave you destitute.

3.   Sleeping with another man’s wife will cost you your life,” is the warning the writer gives his son in Proverbs 6:26. This death can be in many areas of a man’s life, just ask David (2 Samuel 11). I do not desire to call Bathsheba an adulterer in the traditional sense of willingly seducing a man, but the fact is she was married when David slept with her. As a result of attempting to cover up his sin, David orders Bathsheba’s husband to be killed in battle. He is confronted by the prophet, and God pronounces judgment concerning the matter in 2 Samuel 12:11-13, “This is what the Lord says: Because of what you have done, I will cause your own household to rebel against you. I will give your wives to another man before your very eyes, and he will go to bed with them in public view. 12 You did it secretly, but I will make this happen to you openly in the sight of all Israel.” David’s decision to sleep with another man’s wife cost him his newborn son and brought a curse of discord between him and his other children (Read 2 Samuel). David did not die physically, but he was spiritually bankrupt (Psalms 51) and he loss his family life. The same will occur to anyone who lays his head in the bed of a married woman.

The Point: I hope you consider this as a warning and way to save yourself from ruin. There will be many of those type of women grabbing for your attention, but you must not get caught in the moment. Even the author of Proverbs forsook his own advice and ended his life is the worst way possible, away from God. Samson’s life glorified God in the end; but I wonder how many victories did he forfeit by being entangled in the arms of an immoral woman. Judah, a well respected man, lack of integrity was exposed before all the people of the town because of sleeping with someone he thought was a prostitute. David too remain close to God after his moment of weakness, but his kingdom nor his family was never the same because of it. Men you have an opportunity to make a decision today to resist the woman that will cost you more than you can afford. They are not worth your gifts, money, ministry, family, or ultimately your life. My prayer is that with every temptation they present you would resist it. I pray you will be a man of honor, integrity, and self-control. I pray that in those moments when her pull appears strong that you would flee both fornication and conversation with her. I know it’s not easy, but it will be worth it. Your future depends on it. I’m praying for you!-Charity Israel

Single Women, Can We Talk???

Hey ladies, I hope you are having a lovely day. I come in peace. 😇 Yesterday, I wrote a blog to the Single Men enlightening them on how to keep the interest of a Good woman. I think it is only fair that I write to the women who desire to keep a good man’s interest. This blog comes from a place of both love and lovebeachesfrustration because I am tired of my girlfriends being single; and I am tired of them doing stupid things to lose quality men. I get nauseated every time I hear women say, “There are no good men out there.” Earth to ladies: DO NOT DISCREDIT  ALL MEN BASED ON THE KIND OF MEN YOU KEEP CHOOSING. If you were more selective instead of desperate, men of substance would make themselves available to you; but I digress. Here are five things that will keep him interested:

  1. Go out. I have lost count of how many women I have met who desire a relationship but refuse to go out. 👀 Ladies for 99.99% of us, Prince Charming is not going to show up at our doorsteps to whisk us away on his horse. You have to be visible for him to see you, GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!!! I am not suggesting go to a bar, but frequent the places that reflect you and what you enjoy doing. If you meet someone while enjoying what you love to do, there will not be any pressure to stop doing it. This also gives you a topic of discussion once he decides to call. #Outthehousecampaign2015
  2. Be Feminine. Being a lady is a lost art in our society. Women have become so bent on proving they are equal to men that we have lost the “sugar, spice, and all things nice that little girls are made of.”  NEWSFLASH: SMILING WON’T KILL YOU AND BEING KIND WON’T HURT YOU. A good man adores the soft and feminine things about a woman.  He appreciates when we are gentle, reserve, and soft spoken in his presence. A good man will honor and love the feminine side of you. He will not abuse it. He does not see it as weakness. It is simply one of the many reasons why he chooses to protect, honor, and respect you. #hisflower
  3. Have Goals/Hobbies. A good man likes a woman about her business. He is not insecure requiring you to be at his beckoning call. He enjoys the fact you have interest outside of him. He also will be an accountability partner as it pertains to achieving your goals. He will not accept complacency or mediocrity from you because your success becomes his success. Your looks may attract him, but your ambition will keep. #findsomethingtodo
  4. Allow him to lead. A good man takes pride in being the source all of you need. Give him access to the areas you could use his help, guidance, and expertise. He lives to show you that he can be trusted. He takes delight in knowing he can soothe your worries and calm your fears. Your independence will keep you alone. If he has proven himself capable of leading you guys, LET HIM OR LOSE HIM. #TeamInterdependent
  5. Keep his secrets. Ladies his fears, failures, and insecurities are not topics for public discussion among friends. He has entrusted you with the deepest part of his heart, KEEP YOUR MOUTH CLOSED. His secrets should NEVER be used as the closing statement to win an argument. Throw his past or insecurities up too many times, and you will trade in his trust for a stroke to your ego. He will not stay long because part of him respecting you is measured by how much he trust you. A good man values loyalty, and your inability to keep secrets proves YOU ARE NOT LOYAL. #caseclosed

It is my hope that this was received in love. Honestly, I am tired of good people being single for silly reasons. Ladies it is not enough that we desire love, but we must know how to respond to it when it finds us.  Start going out again!  Take pride in being a woman by sharing your softer side with him. Before he makes his arrival, have some other interest and goals outside of Love. Do not be afraid to follow the leader. He has your best interest at heart, trust him. Last but not least, let his secrets and insecurities find refuge in you. Practice silence when it comes to the intimate things of your relationship. All the best to each of you!- Charity Israel

 

 

Photo Credit: http://archcapeinn.com/blog/2012/08/16/romantic-getaways-at-our-cannon-beach-inn/couple-holding-hands-sunset150685331pc/

 

Single Men, Can We Talk???

Happy couple holding handsI come in peace!!! This blog is not an attempt to rip you a new one. It is me offering you insight into finding and keeping  a virtuous woman. Let me be clear, I am NOT trying to help you “smash and pass,” but I am trying to help you secure something solid. If you are not interested in a woman of substance and have an obsession with the ratchet, STOP READING! If you are a man who enjoys living the lies you have created, I CANNOT HELP YOU! If you are good man looking for your female counterpart, this may help in the process of dating quality women:

  1. Choose the right bait. When I talk to good single guys, they often complain about ending up with the same kind of woman. I ask a few questions, only to discover they are using the same methods to pick and keep a woman.  I am no fisherman; but I know the same bait used to catch a Catfish will NOT help you succeed in catching a Swordfish. You must learn what appeals to the kind of woman you truly desire. Then you have to wait until she takes the bait. The bait is that thing that let her knows you were listening. In other words, what you used on most women will NOT work on a virtuous woman. She knows the game, and she will shut it and you down QUICKLY!!!
  2. Be yourself. If a good woman has given you access to her life, give her the gift of authenticity. The best thing you can give her is yourself. The size of your wallet is nice, but a woman of substance is more concerned about your character. She is able to take care of herself. Allow her to meet the real you.
  3. Have goals. A good woman takes pride in encouraging her mate to greatness. If you do not have anything for her to assist you in achieving, she will NOT entertain you long. She is an encourager, and you must supply her with something that feeds that part of her.
  4. Be honest. A Virtuous woman is gracious, but she despises a liar. Your honesty tells her that you trust her. You do not have to fear sharing your past with her. She keeps your secrets to herself because she values loyalty. She wants to know you; and she understands who you were helped shape who you are. Once you recognize she is different from anyone you have encountered, TREAT HER THAT WAY. Loving her is easy because you know she means you no harm.
  5. Be a confident leader. A good woman loathes an indecisive, incompetent man. She is a leader, and she only follows those she trust. You must prove she can let her guard down and follow your guidance. If your words are followed up by your actions, the guard comes down quickly. If you say more than you actually do, there will be an Early Dismissal. She does not have the time to entertain inconsistency in a leader. If you do not know what to do, ASK FOR HELP. This speaks volumes of your humility and leadership ability. She prefers you to ask for help rather than allow your pride to keep both of you lost or ignorant. Keeping your word and asking for help when it is needed will assure her that you are one worth following.

It is my hope that you find one or more of these things useful to your journey. I am aware that some of you desire something real, and I am praying that you find it. Good women do exist, but they are not the easiest to find. Enjoy the process of finding her! In the meantime, continue to improve who you are and what you have to offer.- Charity Israel

P.S. Ladies are not fish. 😜

 

 

 

Photo Credit: http://archcapeinn.com/blog/2012/08/16/romantic-getaways-at-our-cannon-beach-inn/couple-holding-hands-sunset150685331pc/