The Wedding that Didn’t Happen

Today is August 5, 2016 and it is has been a year since my beautiful grandmother on my father’s side passing. However, today I mourn for a different reason. Today, if things had gone as planned, I would have burned my Single Woman card forever. Yep, today is the day I would no longer be a Porter. Instead I am single once again and telling my story to complete strangers. For those who have not been following me on Social Media, on Christmas Eve 2015 I reconnected with someone, and from that moment we were inseparable. Considering that fate brought us together again, we were both pretty sure that this meant marriage.

This man took great care of me. He made it his business to make me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. He was kind. He enjoyed a good laugh. He had a career. He was a Christian, and he was fine!!!! Tall, dark, and pleasing in my sight was the man I fell completely in love with! He knew everything about me. He managed to accept those things about me that I wrestled with accepting about myself. I was hooked on that Milk Chocolate man, and he was hooked on me. Then March 3, 2016 came and my little fairytale ended. The united front we once were had become divided. The vision of life we had together started to look better apart from each other.

Things were not bad. He did not cheat and neither did I, but we both felt that it was in the best interest of each other that we go our separate ways. It was the sweetest breakup ever, and I could not be mad because I felt the same way. But after a few days of sitting alone and coping with the fact, us breaking up included there being no wedding, I became furious!!! I read over every text message of him declaring how excited he was about us getting married. I kept having flashbacks of us going shopping for rings, checking out venues, and how gorgeous I looked in the gown I tried on. I was pissed that I spent money on Bridal magazines, fabric samples, and anything pertaining to weddings. I was highly upset that I introduced this man to absolutely everyone important to me. More than anything I was ashamed that I would once again be single at all the family functions and have to dodge conversations about my Relationship status. I was on the brink of marital bliss, and instead I ended up drowning in tears full of disappointment, anger, and shame.

I was highly annoyed with God that he would permit my heart to know this kind of pain, and I kept quiet about it for almost four months until I could speak about it without falling apart. To be honest, this was my greatest fear realized. I never wanted to be the woman who knew what it was like to be with “The One” at a family function and have to do the walk of shame at the next family function. I never wanted to know what it was like to give your all to someone only to hear “let’s go separate ways!” It was one of the greatest blows to my heart even though I agreed it was truly the best decision for both of us. This was the most painful moment in my experience with love, but the beauty that came from living through this nightmare was worth every tear. You’ll have to wait until Monday to hear that side of the story. Have a wonderful weekend beautiful people.-Charity Israel

P.S. I made it through typing this blog without a single tear. It appears my days of mourning have ended!!!

 

 

 

Photo Credit: http://weddings.lovetoknow.com/wiki/African_American_Wedding_Clipart

 

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7 thoughts on “The Wedding that Didn’t Happen

    • Thanks you so much for reading it. I truly appreciate it, and I agree “love is pure, and it never changes.” Love permits people to change even if that change doesn’t include them. I’m just glad the hurt didn’t last forever like my heart was telling me that it would. Thanks again for reading and sharing your thoughts!!!!

  1. Awesome read! Thanks so much for sharing! I was just wondering, did God reveal the reason for the separation? Did he make it clear that he had not joined you two together in spirit? And is there someone else? Or is his will for your life a happy single person? I didn’t read any other posts, but I was just thinking. I know we can know God’s will down to the tee, lol because of the Holy Spirit.

    • The separation was not something that God had to reveal. We literally was just going in two directions, and the timing of things were not right for us. CJ I would like to think with all the love God has placed in my heart that He has not meant for me to remain single, but I am open to whatever His will is for my life. As it pertains to love & marriage, it has been placed in His hands. I’m just going to enjoy this life no matter what my relationship status is. LOL Thanks again for taking the time to read my blog and share your thoughts.

  2. IDK..I’m just so excited. I’m a woman and a Christian and some of the things you shared I instantly identified and related to. I see a wife and a mommy when I look at you. It’s so cool that you got over all the bull that we all face through those adolescent and twenty something years. I could relate to everything you said, and also from your IG posts. But I see such a balanced healthy woman as soon as I watched one of your videos. WAYYY more balanced then most of us women. Some times the things we go through help us to get fit for our eternal home with Jesus, but also to bless the world.

    • Thank so much for your sweet sentiments, and please believe God is responsible the “balanced healthy” woman you see. I have literally had to take the time to get in His presence, meditate on His word, and talk to a counselor or two to get to the place that you see me at now. I am still, as we all are, a work in progress, but it’s humbling to hear people celebrate what you have put great effort into becoming. I am definitely absolutely convinced that every part of my story was meant to honor Him, help someone else, and keep me ever mindful of His love and grace towards me. Thank you again for taking the time to share your thoughts and encouraging words.

  3. So great and such a blessing! You know God says seek him while he may be found and call while he is near. I agree it takes a lot to get to such a healthy place in him and then maintain it. I’m a psychology major and have worked in the field a bit. I understand the need for counseling, I’ve been there myself too. But to get to such a place of peace and hope, and where misery has no hold, seems only Jesus can do that. I was just looking at something posted on IG about mental health issues in the Black community and amongst black men. I understood the sentiments and it is great to seek help and counseling, but sometimes I can’t help but wonder what if we sought more of Jesus? The Holy Spirit is a counselor. See how we do after seeking him, and then if we still need to talk to someone else a little, that would be okay too.

    Thanks for responding, oh and I saw your other response back on the other post. My eyes lit up when I saw your videos, I was so happy, LOL. I’m not gay or anything hehhee, I’m a married woman. IDK..sometimes people think Christians are a little weird, lol! Anywhoo..God bless you this morning!!!

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