Congratulations and Condolences: Christmas Edition

As I am sitting in my apartment away from my family this Christmas, sadness tried to damper the awesomeness of today. I was getting ready to attend my pity party; but the thought of what usually  happens on today invited my thoughts to hang out for a minute. For some this will be a day that will be marked as the best day of their lives. For others, it will be remembered as the day “I did not get what I wanted.” So here are my Congratulations and Condolences for Christmas 2014:

  1. Congratulations to everyone who woke up to smells of Christmas breakfast. My condolences to everyone who has to wait until after 3pm to eat because all the groceries went to the Christmas dinner. #hungergames
  2. Congratulations to everyone who received what they wanted this year. My condolences to everyone who received something worst than not getting what you wanted, the Knockoffs or Generic version of your request. #BeetsbyDre
  3. Congratulations to everyone who are genuinely excited about being with their family. My condolence to everyone who has to pretend they like each other to make Grandma happy. Side note: The Porter family is the greatest on the planet, and I know this Christmas will be one for the record books, HAVE FUN!! #Fakesmilesforeveryone
  4. Congratulations to those who family member pray short prayers over the meal. My condolences to everyone who has to warm their food up again, after their uncle prayed for everything except the food. #everlastingprayer
  5. Congratulations to everyone with well-behaved children. You will enjoy your time with other family members. My condolences to everyone with ill-mannered children. You will be the security guard among the kids this Christmas. #keepthepeace
  6. Congratulations to everyone who will be Engaged by the end of the night. My condolences to everyone who thought today would be the day. #alwaysnextChristmas
  7. Congratulations to everyone who ate the last piece of pie, cake, mac and cheese, and etc. and did not throw the pan away. My condolences to everyone who lifted the foil or lid only to discover NOTHING. #horriblepeople #terriblefeeling
  8. Congratulations to everyone whose team will win today. My condolences to everyone who is not a Dallas Cowboy fan. Side note: I know they do not play today, but I love them! #WeDemBoyz
  9. Congratulations to everyone who won the Ugly Christmas Sweater Contest this year. My condolences to everyone who wore an Ugly Christmas sweater and did not know it was one. #Christmastragedy
  10. Congratulations to the Main Chicks that received real perfume sets for Christmas. My condolences to the Side Chicks that received Victoria Secret and Calgon Spray sets for the second year in the row. #VersacevsVanilla #EsteeLaudervsCottonBreeze
  11. Congratulations to everyone who met their Significant  Other’s family. My condolences to those  who have not heard from their significant other yet. #notthatsignificant
  12. Congratulations Jesus it is your “birthday.” My condolences to you, it has to suck that a fat man in a suit gets more recognition on this day than you. #comebacksoon

There you have it My Christmas 2014 Congratulations and Condolences. To those who are alone this Christmas, find joy in the wonderful memories of Christmas Past. To those who have the luxury of being with family today, ENJOY THEM. Merry Christmas!!!


4 thoughts on “Congratulations and Condolences: Christmas Edition

    • Well I’m not from the islands, but I know the pain of an empty pan. Lol It is absolutely devastating, and you consider hurting the person who did not dispose of it. 🚑 🚒 🚓 lol

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