So November 5, 2012 was supposed to be the launching date of Lovelivesfree.com, and today the site is NOT up and running and boy do I feel like a failure. A failure in the sense that I put a date to something, and I missed my own deadline. Missing deadlines seem to be the story of my life by the way. And there is no one or nothing to blame except me and my procrastination. I have committed my time to everything except what I claim to be important. I am annoyed with myself because the goal was attainable, but I did not put forth great effort to see it achieved.
Since I have committed to this project all of my issues have floated up to the surface: procrastination, perfectionism, self-doubt, and indecisiveness. These are all things that I thought I had conquered in my life, but this website has proven they were simply dormant and not dead. And since these are facts of my life at this moment, I am forced to deal with these ugly hindrances of getting a project completed. How can a procrastinating perfectionist that doubts herself and the decisions she makes at times get a website up and running to help people who are just like her? It can only happen by the grace of God, discipline, and a pertinacious commitment to completing the task before me.
But you may be wondering, “Charity what makes today different from the last few months you have had to work on the website?” My answer is “the public embarrassment of having to cancel something people were counting on due to my procrastination. It is the shame of knowing nothing stopped me but myself. It’s the rude awakening that I am my greatest enemy, toughest critic, and naysayer. It is the harsh realization that I am the culprit that keeps sabotaging my success. And it is the overwhelming desire to defeat the dark side of me.”
This failure to launch has shined a light on the enemies of my soul that MUST be conquered and ultimately destroyed. This website is the Battle plan for victory. As I keep my commitment to seeing this site up and operating, I will be daily defeating the enemies of my soul. I now, after mourning, can dance with much excitement about what’s in store for us all. I am ecstatic about the freedom this site will produce in the lives of others and myself. Thanks so much for joining me in the journey of finding freedom in God’s Love, great victories are ahead!-Charity Israel